


Keep My Distance

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ava Sharpe needs a hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Honestly this is just straight up angst I hope you like to cry, Hurt/Comfort, Ray is the best person, Sara Lance Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 13:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14058330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: Again, Ava sighed, and ran her hands over her face, keeping her gaze fixed firmly on her desk. 'I know what you're saying, Ray. I do. And I know you mean well. But Sara said she needed space, and with everything that she's been through I'm not going to force her to do something she doesn't want. If I had it my way, I would be with her instead of here, but that's not fair. To either of us.'Ray leaned back in his chair, wanting nothing more than to scream at Ava until she saw sense. But the problem was, she was a good person. She was doing what she thought best, regardless of how much it hurt her in the process, and he couldn't fault her for that. She just didn't seem to grasp that sometimes, when people - notably ex-assassins with a low sense of self worth - ask for space, it's not really what they need at all.'I think...' He paused, biting his lip, trying to put his thoughts into words. 'I think Sara's been alone for so long that she doesn't know how not to be. And... she's been hurting for so long that she doesn't know how to ask for help.'





	Keep My Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Heeey! 
> 
> I haven't written anything for ages, but I love these two so much, so here you go.
> 
> Un-beta'd, all mistakes are mine, feel free to point them out :)

 

_And I will make sure to keep my distance,_   
_Say I love you when you're not listening,_   
_How long, can we keep this up, up, up?_

 

 

 

 

Ava was sitting at her desk when she herd the knock at the door, and very  nearly ignored it. She didn't have the time or the patience to deal with Gary's bullshit right now. 

She sighed, scrubbing at her face in an attempt to remove any traces of the tears that she didn't seem to be able to stop, and called out for Gary to come in . So he did, only it wasn't Gary, and Ava  seriously considered slamming the door in Ray's face.  She didn't think she could handle a conversation with a member of Sara's team, and she  certainly wasn't in the mood to run about fixing the Legend's mistakes . 

Sensing her mood, Ray raised his hands in the air. 'Please don't shoot me. I'm not here to ask for your help, or to tell you we've fucked anything up, I  just want to talk.'

Ava remained silent, but gestured for Ray to keep talking. She was fine.  Absolutely nothing was wrong, and there was no chance of her  spontaneously bursting into tears and embarrassing herself in front of Ray . Not at all.

'Sara...' He sighed, pausing when he saw the look on her face. 'This is  probably the last thing you want to talk about right now. Are _you_ okay?'

Ava froze. Of all the things she had expected, that wasn't one of them. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to work out his motives, but she came up empty. 'I'm fine,' she answered  stiffly , and pushed on despite the sceptical look on her face. ' Just say what you came to say and then leave.'

 

Ray shrugged, a look of concern flashing across his face, but continued anyway. 'Sara... she's seen some shit. And she has some self-destructive tendencies.'

He could see Ava struggling to maintain her blank, uncaring expression, so pulled up a chair to her desk and continued 'I know you've read her file, and you know a lot of the things she's done . But I'm willing to bet that there's much more you don't know, and have no way of understanding. Hell, I've known her for years and I still know  barely anything about her past.'

'But she trusts you.  And sometimes, she gets so focused on whatever punishment she thinks she deserves that she fails to see the good she's doing, and the things that are right in front of her .  She thinks we don't notice that she's not sleeping, thinks we don't see the sadness in her eyes when she thinks no one around . And  honestly ? We have no idea how to help her. Some people have been through things so terrible that they can't be whoever they were before. But you manage to do that. you bring out the side of her that is innocent, free of pain, even if only for a while. And we're not  just going to let her push you away because she thinks that's the best thing to do.'

Again, Ava sighed, and ran her hands over her face, keeping her gaze fixed  firmly on her desk. 'I know what you're saying, Ray. I do. And I know you mean well.  But Sara said she needed space, and with everything that she's been through I'm not going to force her to do something she doesn't want . If I had it my way, I would be with her instead of here, but that's not fair. To either of us.'

Ray leaned back in his chair, wanting nothing more than to scream at Ava until she saw sense. But the problem was, she was a good person. She was doing what she thought best, regardless of how much it hurt her in the process, and he couldn't fault her for that.  She  just didn't seem to grasp that sometimes, when people -  notably ex-assassins with a low sense of self worth - ask for space, it's not  really what they need at all .

'I think...' He paused, biting his lip, trying to put his thoughts into words. ' I think Sara's been alone for so long that she doesn't know how not to be. And... she's been hurting for so long that she doesn't know how to ask for help.'

Ava looked up, vulnerable, her eyes wet with tears she  was determined not to shed. 'so instead she's pushing away everyone she cares about.'

Ray nodded, his eyes filled with understanding. 'I don't know what happened between you. But I know Sara, and I have never seen her smile as much as she has in the last few weeks. She's so... happy. Around you.' He gave a sad laugh. 'I know that sounds stupid, and I sound like a cheesy idiot, but it's true. We've all seen it.'  He paused again, unsure; this wasn't his conversation to have, and Sara would  probably kick his ass later for going behind her back, but it would be worth it . 'She cares so much about you, but she's so stuck in her own mind that she thinks she's not good enough. And we can't convince her she is, not with Mallus in her head and Nora Darkh telling her she's a killer.'

Ava looked past Ray at the wall, a lone tear escaping and rolling down her cheek. 'And I could've done something, but I left her when she needed me. She didn't  really want to break up, she was  just terrified and had no way to communicate that.'

Ava shivered, remembering Ray was there, and buried her face in her hands. 'Shit.'

Ray smiled, and if it didn't quite reach his eyes... well, no one was looking. Ava looked so lost, and he hated to leave her alone, but he had interfered too much as it was.

 

'Hey. You two have something special, just don't let that slip away, okay?' Ray squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, and when he removed his hand, Ava felt the loss. She missed Sara. She missed the easy affection, the banter, the safety of knowing that however badly she fucked up her job, no one would judge her for it. She missed Sara's easy laugh, and the way she looked at her when she thought the team was distracted. She missed waking up on the Waverider, lazy mornings in bed with Sara and being teased by the other Legends for it. 

But most of all, she missed feeling whole, feeling safe, and knowing that someone cared. 

Fuck. Fuck Ray and his perfect heart, for caring too much about his team mates. Fuck Sara, for not knowing how to ask for help.  But most of all, fuck her, for leaving when Sara told her to, for not pushing back, and for not seeing how hard Sara was trying to hold herself together .

 

Damn it.

 

 

_ I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. _

 

 

Her hands shaking  slightly , she made her decision,  barely registering that Ray had left .  Even if Sara couldn't handle being together at the moment, she shouldn't have walked out and left her to deal with her demons alone - both the real ones and the ones trapping her in her head . Ray was right, Sara did need help, and she needed something secure.  And Ava was the one who had the best chance of getting through to her; she wasn't about to let Sara's fear of herself end their relationship .

Taking a shaky breath, Ava grabbed her time courier and opened a portal to the Waverider, stepping through before she allowed herself time to have second thoughts .  Sara was worth fighting for, and she would spend every last minute fighting to prove it, even if it took the rest of her life .  She deserved someone who wouldn't give up on her even if she gave up on herself a long time ago, and that's who Ava  was determined to be . For better or for worse.

 

 

 

 

__ I'll give you everything I am,  
All my broken heartbeats.  
Until I know you'll understand.

 

_ I'll make sure to keep my distance,  
Say I love you when you're not listening,  
How long, 'til we call this love, love, love? _

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Christina Perri song 'Distance'
> 
> Comments and kudos make me happy xx


End file.
